I wrote this nine years ago and forgot about it. It is particularly timely since I am again “Detoxing / Cleansing” this month.
Thoughts on detoxing…
I said “I forgive you. I forgive myself. I let go of that a long time ago! Then why does the pain come back again and again!?”
Memories, thoughts, aches and pains bubble up to the surface from some murky place that I thought was cleaned out already. No, I’m not done yet.
It’s like cleaning windows in my house, one at a time…
Should I do it right? Or do I settle for a half-ass job? Mostly I’ve gone the half-assed route – and then tell myself I did a good job, and wonder why the view is still drab and unsatisfying.
I know better. Start by brushing away all the cob webs and dead bugs. Then wet wash every inch from top to bottom. Only then can I really clean the window pane (pain).
There are old paint smears. Scrape them off with a razor blade, and buff the glass with a dry cloth.
Darn it! It’s still looks bad. Oh yeah, I have to climb out the window, stand on a ladder or the roof and do it all again!
Should I stop here, put it off again for some other day? That would be ok, but unsatisfying. And I’d view myself again as going only half way, half the distance, not claiming that satisfaction or owning my success.
So today… I choose the razor, the ladder, maybe even some fresh paint on the frames.
I choose a clear view – no matter how long it takes.
And I forgive myself for all the starting and stopping and taking a long time – a lifetime – to clean the yuck out of my life, my mind, my body.